A Letter’s Lantern

Thoughts of you rose without warning,
Our time together vanished, when I vanished. I will talk about that later. If I asked myself years ago, would I be thinking of you now? No. Forgetting about you wouldn’t have crossed my mind either. I’ve looked at this only with these two questions to start. More questions arose, hopefully we will keep writing. The feeling of regret crushes my heart, not because of life choices. I wanted to tell you before, I couldn’t until I could make sense of this change. I was treading into madness blindly, fear slipped through the windows, while I had the door open wide. When my writing faded, so did I.
My book became hot to the touch, like a kid’s hand to the stove. The pen was absolute zero. My ink cold, dripping with pain and neglect. You walked with me when we parted ways, we were meant to make each other better people. Discovering the world with you slowly faded, not overnight of course, just a slow disappearance act. Music danced with my thoughts, a tune I was never fond with, I knew that it was something you loved. I Listened.
I know we would’ve faltered as a couple, the past was already written prior to living it, in order for me to get to this fork. My purpose isn’t clear, but the thought of you could help bring me home. It will be painful, but I also welcome with open arms the misery that awaits. The thought of your Personality, Honesty, Sensitivity, Sexuality, Sadness, and of course Beauty. There’s more! How you made me feel will continue to flow with the dam raised, my heart will pour open. My willingness to deal with the shame of my loss, May I hold onto this as a reminder of my madness.
When my pen drew cold, my life was darkened. Life and Death was a daily ritual, the days fluctuated in spectrum. The change became an isolated world of internal grayness blotched with underlining lighter colors. It sounds conflicted, I know. I hope you continue to accept my letters, for I have so much more to share. I’m sorry.
Until Next Time.

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